Our Mission

Not With My Child informs and educates the public about child predators and pedophiles in order to eliminate the threat that they pose to children. Through public education and community service, we strive to make the world a safer place for children.

Goals:
The coming year will be a turning point in the fight against child predators and in strengthening public awareness. Through a nation wide campaign, we will teach parents and communities how child predators and child molesters operate, what to look for, and how to counter act it. By educating parents to take responsibility for their child's safety, we will make it harder for predators to access victims.

More about us


Not With My Child is an educational predator awareness program for parents and communities. We provide a unique insight to the way child predators operate. We educate and empower parents, and communities to intervene and protect children from child predators.

NWMC is the Community Education Program of Grandparents and Others on Watch, Inc. (GrOW). GrOW is a 501(c)(3) corporation organized under Missouri's public benefit law. We currently have representatives in central Missouri, southwestern Missouri and in southern California.

We focus on prevention. We deal only with the community, the media, and public agencies in carrying out our mission. We are self-funding. We sell no products or services and we provide our programs free of charge (donations are gratefully accepted of course). We will accept nothing less than zero tolerance of any sexual advances or assaults on children by adults.
Child sexual abuse is now an epidemic. 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. The median age for reported sexual abuse is 9 years old. If your child is molested, there’s a 90-95% chance it was done by someone you know, not by a stranger.

These numbers are unacceptable.

The predators laugh at us because we don’t have a clue when it comes to knowing how they manipulate us. We will change that. We will show you and tell you what they do and how they do it, and we’ll give you the tools you need to keep your kids safe.

We are dedicated to informing and educating the public about the danger that child predators represent. We have been working with law enforcement, children’s groups, and internet service providers since 2005 to keep child predators away from our kids.


Contact us to set up a free predator awareness program in your area!

How to protect your child from predators

Child predators do not want you to know this information. They have a specific way of targeting not only your children, but you as parents as well. They operate in a specific pattern and rarely deviate from it. By learning how they work, you can recognize them and stop them from harming your children.

Remember, molesters are predators. They stalk and hunt our children. We want you to know what they do and how they do it so that you can arm yourself with knowledge.

Child molesters do something called grooming. Grooming is how a predator develops a friendship with the child, creating a bond, preparing them for sexual assault. Predators start by choosing the parents. They will push the boundaries of acceptable behavior to test parents and see if they can take advantage of them. They literally seduce the parents into allowing them access to their children. By charming parents and gaining their trust, the predator gains access to the family and is not suspected of inappropriate behavior.

Molesters are liars. They lie because they can and because their victims want to believe them. They create a false image within a community. By ‘charming’ the adults to believe they are a good and decent person, they have created protection for themselves if they are ever accused. This is called image management. It is planned out very carefully, and it is all a lie to get you to trust them.

Don’t give these predators power over you by accepting their lies. They rely on the embarrassment of talking about child molestation. They know that most people won’t bring the subject up. They use this to their advantage. Don’t let them.

A child molester can be anyone- man or woman, young or old, married or single. Just because a man has sex with his wife, doesn’t mean he won’t try to have sex with a child. Because these predators vary in appearance, you must look closely at their behavior in order to recognize them for what they are.

After a molester is exposed, it is common for adults to say things like, “He was the last guy I would suspect to do something like this.” Molesters become friends to adults, helping them out, being friendly and nice, and just doing things that friends would do. They don’t do this out of kindness; they do this to get to your children.

Once a molester is confronted, they will not only continue to abuse, but they will become defensive to the point of threatening the accuser. This is where the image management comes in to play. By creating an untarnished image, the predator has convinced the community that he is innocent and the accuser (victim) is lying and trying to destroy his pristine image.

Most molestation’s are ‘explained away’ with excuses. Knowing these excuses can help you recognize how these predators operate.

Misunderstanding-

“She was trying to put on her bathing suit and needed help.”
“He complained of being sore. I was just checking him to make sure he was ok.”

Medical Reasons-

“He felt like he had a temperature. I was just checking him. I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

Deferring the Blame-

“Her parents never did like me. They are just saying these horrible things about me to keep me away from my children.”

Personal Hygiene-

“I was giving him a bath. I wasn't doing anything wrong.”

Sex Education-

“She was just curious and asked me some questions. I was explaining the birds and the bees.”
"He asked me a question and didn't understand what I said, so I was just showing him."

How can you protect your children?

Talk to your kids - Parents are one of the single most effective tools in the fight against child sexual abuse. This may be an uncomfortable subject, but remember, you aren’t talking about sex, you’re talking about personal safety. You can use other safety issues as a ‘lead in’ to this topic.

Read to your kids – Sit down and read about safety. You don’t even need a book. Set time aside to sit down and have a discussion.

Listen to your kids – Dictating, preaching, demanding, are all negative ways to talk to your kids. Even very young children need to be able to tell you their feelings, thoughts and fears. Make sure that you take the time to listen to your children.

Teach your kids – Teach them to trust their own feelings and instincts. Tell them it’s ok to say “no” and to be rude to people in order to protect themselves. Teach them about “good touch, bad touch”. Bad touch is where their bathing suit covers them. Make sure your children know to tell you if something does happen, or even if someone just makes them feel uncomfortable. Keeping secrets is not only wrong, but dangerous. If you don’t teach these things to your children, then you are leaving them open for the predators to teach them whatever they want.

Watch your kids – Keep a watchful eye on your children. Kids get distracted and often don’t think about dangers until it’s too late. Know where your kids are, what they are doing, and who they are doing it with at all times.

How to Spot a Child Predator or Child Molester


What to look for:

~ A person who is very helpful or alluring

~ A person who exhibits peer-like play

~ A person who has no adult friends and will spend time with children rather than adults

~ A person who plays tickling games and roughhouses/dog piles with kids

~ A person who is immediately accepted into the family

~ A person who refuses to honor boundaries set by you or by society in general

These are all signs of grooming that child predators will use on you, your family, and on entire communities. There is no way to know for sure if someone is a child molester until they have violated a child. Therefore, you cannot accuse someone based on this information. Instead, you can use this as a tool to screen out high risk people, and to keep them away from your children.

A person who is very helpful or alluring:

By alluring we mean they are enticing, flattering, and well loved. This is someone who is well liked and always there for you, usually knowing what you need before you even ask for it. They suck you in and manipulate you into unconditional trust without you even realizing it. Inside, they hate you. But on the outside, they become whatever it is you want or need. They want you to like them and trust them so that when they rape your child, you won’t suspect a thing.

A person who exhibits peer-like play:

Ever hear someone described as “just another big kid”? That’s fine, as long as they are able to switch back to an adult rather than staying in the “kid” mode continuously. Child molesters think of children as their peers. They see them in terms of sexual attraction, not cuteness.

A person who has no adult friends and chooses to spend time with children rather than adults:

We all have friends and even acquaintances that we talk with on a regular basis. Child predators devote all of their time to children. Their entire lives revolve around children. They continue babysitting, and often prefer activities and jobs that involve children like mentoring for children’s organizations, coaching, teaching, camp counselors, etc. They will often choose these activities over socializing with adults. There's nothing wrong with jobs and activities that revolve around children, but when an adult chooses children over nearly all adult activities, they are high risk.

A person who plays tickling games and roughhouses/dog piles with kids:

When interviewed, convicted child molesters describe how they use tickling to desensitize children to sexual touch, and to push the boundaries of acceptable behavior in front of the parents. Is it alright for Grandpa to tickle his grandchild and laugh with him or her? Yes, of course it is. But it’s not appropriate for a grown man or woman to “dog pile” with several young children. It’s also not appropriate for an adult to get physically personal with your children by tickling and touching. Put a stop to this behavior immediately.

A person who is immediately accepted into the family:

We're talking about the level of trust and acceptance. Being accepted into a family situation should take time and trust. Child predators are skilled at manipulating adults into accepting them. Stop and take a look at any situation where a stranger, who approaches your family or child, immediately gains your complete trust and acceptance.

A person who refuses to honor boundaries set by you or by society in general:

He might touch children’s bottoms when pushing them on the swings, or tickle and touch inappropriately. He might find ways to be alone with your child for long periods of time. He might give your child gifts and convince your child that they need to spend more time alone together.

Anyone who crosses the line and does something to make you or your child uncomfortable, should be setting off alarms. He will use excuses that make him appear to be helping your child, or concerned for your child. Excuses such as helping with homework, or practicing baseball, etc.

Often when confronted, the predator will go on the attack and be offended that you accused him. He may accuse you of being inappropriate. Then he will continue the abuse. He wants you to think that you are over reacting.

How to confront suspected child predators, pedophiles and child molesters: Keep It Simple


What do you do if you suspect something, or if someone is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable? How do you approach them? What do you say to them?

When confronted, child predators will go on the attack and turn the situation around to make you look bad. They have been doing this their entire lives. Anything you could possibly say or do, they’ve already heard and seen before- and they have a way to counter it. So what do you do?

Keep it simple:

1~ Point out the behavior, be specific and tell them what you saw.

2~ Tell them this behavior is unacceptable and you don’t like it.

3~ Tell them to stop.

You should never label or accuse someone. All you have to do is tell them they’re doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable, and then tell them to stop.

Remember, you can’t tell who a child predator is by looking at them. Child predators are men and women, young and old, they’re older kids abusing younger kids, they’re married and single. They can be any race, any religion, and any sexual orientation. In other words, they are everyone and anyone.

You have to look at what someone says or does in order to determine if they might be a child predator. I say “might” because you never really know. Unless you witness abuse, someone confesses, or a victim comes forward, you cannot accuse or label someone. But you don’t need to do that in order to protect your children. You need to identify high risk people and high risk situations, and then keep your children away from them.

As adults, we're responsible for our child's safety. We cannot expect a child to physically or emotionally fight a predator. You need to put a stop to any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable, even if it's not your child.

Signs of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA)

Children often don't tell when they've been abused. So you need to be aware of some signs of possible sexual abuse.

Signs of CSA:


The following are behavior changes that may occur in children who have been sexually abused:

  • Having a fear of certain people or even of going certain places
  • "sexy" behavior towards adults or other children or advanced sexual knowledge for their age
  • Coming up with different names for their private parts
  • Problems in school, bad grades, behavior problems, or acting out
  • Withdrawal from family, friends, or activities
  • Bedwetting
  • Eating problems or changes in eating behaviors: eating very little or overeating
  • Hostility, aggressive behaviors, mood swings, depression
  • Talking about a new or older friend
  • You find toys or other gifts from an unknown source
  • Drug or alcohol problems
  • Suicidal thoughts or attempts
If you suspect CSA, call the police. You can ask your child if anyone has touched them in a way they didn't like, or if someone forced them to do something they didn't like.

If your child discloses abuse, it's important to stay calm and believe your child. Tell them that it's not their fault and that they didn't do anything wrong.

Protect your child by keeping them away from the abuser.

Call the police. You can also call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). Website: http://www.childhelp.org/hotline
See more about us here:











video




What people are saying...

"I found your seminar so useful. I am sort of surprised and disappointed that it wasn't packed wall to wall. The more people who know about it, the less it will happen. I just feel so empowered now." - Liz

"All of the information really made me think. I know Shannon and I will be doing things differently because of what I heard." - Renee

"I can't thank you enough for holding such an informative seminar. I always had the concern, but now I have been made aware of some very usable tools, such as what to say and do when I see something that seems amiss. This is so meaningful." - Elizabeth

"Sue’s presentation highlights important information about potential child molesters and predators. Not With My Child identifies specific tactics and techniques parents, teachers, and all adults need to know about in order to prevent child sexual abuse. It may be uncomfortable to hear, but until every community member knows not only what to look for but also what do to about it, all children are at risk." ~ Sarah Kremer, Program Director, Friends for Youth, Inc.

"I got so much out of this presentation. Things I didn't know, I know now. Thank you." ~ Sallie

"I am thankful that your group and others like it devote so much time and energy in keeping not just your own children safe but in teaching others about ways that they can do the same." ~ Patricia